Sorry little lamb, another year has passed and you're still alive
It's just about 2006, and what do I have to show for it? NOT A DAMNED THING. Oh sure, I've got a job (oh excuse me, a "career," as the folks at UCI like to say, fully aware that no one in their right mind would stay there forever) and an apartment that has all the right number of walls and floors and such, but what do I REALLY have? (A kick-ass TV)- No, I mean really have? Well my health (cross your fingers and poke a foreigner in the eye), my mental health (a tenuous grip at best, but it still counts), and family and friends (probably shouldn't have mentioned that mental health bit-could lose a few over that.) But even with all that, I haven't really accomplished anything. Not that I set out to win the Nobel prize in chemistry or anything, but a New York Critics Association award would have been nice. I mean, sure, many people go years without producing anything of significance. Einstein had his patent office years, Mozart his Baltic mountain years, and Gandhi had his Hawaii period; but damnit, I'm better than all of them! Honestly, I am! Oh well, no use whining about it now I guess. When the end of the year comes and we look back at the black holes of our existences, it certainly is humbling. ("--Really? Because that 'better than Gandhi' thing didn't sound humble." Hey! Shut up inner Jesus! Don't make me lock you up again! "--ok, ok, don't throw a fit. jeezzz")It's the time of year when we take stock of our lives, and if this past year is any indication, my stock will be almost worthless by 2012. But who knows, I could pull an "Apple" and come out with a nifty-looking hand held Anthony which could be a big hit with 20-something hipsters. There's always hope!
P.S. In addition to looking back on your own life, take a moment to look back on the lives of some other people and learn some lessons. Take Paris Hilton and Tom Cruise; from them I learned how not to be a skank-ass man stealing hoe, and how not to corrupt innocent virgins with crazy talk about how psychiatry is evil and how we are all really aliens or some shit.
Happy Holidays!
