I was rather certain that I had a blog. However, one can never be sure.

Older Women Have It Going On


Another February Sweeps, another "Survivor." This particularly sorry bunch of losers were split up according to sex and age. Four tribes; Younger Men, Older Men, Younger Women, Older Women. None of them seemed particularly memorable. Except maybe that one "older man" who used to smoke three packs a day-until his first day on Survivor. Now that's good TV. I can't wait until he starts to get the shakes and accidentally spears someone in the foot. Younger Women were the first to win immunity, with the older women close behind, leading host Jeff Probst to say, "older women have it going on!" My amusement knew no bounds, as it is commonly known that older women never have it going on. Ever. Except for Molly Pitcher. That bitch could throw down. So will I keep watching? You bet your blurred ass crack/partial nipple exposure I will.

While going through some old Word documents on my computer the other day, I came across this cryptic bit of info:


Carlsbad
man kills, hides bodies in caverns, mother really likes cirque de soleil song “alegria”



I don't really remember my thought process on this one.

Obsession……It’s not just a perfume for peep show strippers anymore.

Current Obsession: The Who’s “Tommy”

Yeah I’m not really sure why either. All I can say is that it had intrigued me for quite a while so a few weeks ago I finally got around to downloading it. Unfortunately the file I downloaded wasn’t the best quality and consequently whole sections were rendered unlistenable. This past week I broke down and spent money to buy the cd. (Ok, I really didn’t spend money – I used a gift certificate. Same principal though.) So I give it a listen and for whatever reason I really like it. Almost love it. Almost, not quite. I think it’s the acoustic guitar. These days we don’t get much acoustic guitar in rock music. Folk music and emo sing-songwriters sure, but not so much the rock. But it could just be a phase I’m going through. A few years back I went through a “Law and Order” period in which I watched at least 2 episodes a day for at least two months. Now, however, I don’t go near the show, or any of its spin-offs. Then there was that time I couldn’t stop listening to the same 4 songs from the Dandy Warhols’ second album. And there was that one summer when I had to have vanilla ice cream every day at exactly 1 o’clock because I was positive that I was being stalked by a murderer who was trying to kill me at 1 o’clock every day to fulfill some sort of prophesy where if he killed me at 1 o’clock then he would become king of Hersandia but I knew he was scared of vanilla ice cream so I ate vanilla ice cream every day at 1 o’clock.
I did a lot of crack that summer.
Remember kids, crack is whack!

Sorry little lamb, another year has passed and you're still alive

It's just about 2006, and what do I have to show for it? NOT A DAMNED THING. Oh sure, I've got a job (oh excuse me, a "career," as the folks at UCI like to say, fully aware that no one in their right mind would stay there forever) and an apartment that has all the right number of walls and floors and such, but what do I REALLY have? (A kick-ass TV)- No, I mean really have? Well my health (cross your fingers and poke a foreigner in the eye), my mental health (a tenuous grip at best, but it still counts), and family and friends (probably shouldn't have mentioned that mental health bit-could lose a few over that.) But even with all that, I haven't really accomplished anything. Not that I set out to win the Nobel prize in chemistry or anything, but a New York Critics Association award would have been nice. I mean, sure, many people go years without producing anything of significance. Einstein had his patent office years, Mozart his Baltic mountain years, and Gandhi had his Hawaii period; but damnit, I'm better than all of them! Honestly, I am! Oh well, no use whining about it now I guess. When the end of the year comes and we look back at the black holes of our existences, it certainly is humbling. ("--Really? Because that 'better than Gandhi' thing didn't sound humble." Hey! Shut up inner Jesus! Don't make me lock you up again! "--ok, ok, don't throw a fit. jeezzz")It's the time of year when we take stock of our lives, and if this past year is any indication, my stock will be almost worthless by 2012. But who knows, I could pull an "Apple" and come out with a nifty-looking hand held Anthony which could be a big hit with 20-something hipsters. There's always hope!


P.S. In addition to looking back on your own life, take a moment to look back on the lives of some other people and learn some lessons. Take Paris Hilton and Tom Cruise; from them I learned how not to be a skank-ass man stealing hoe, and how not to corrupt innocent virgins with crazy talk about how psychiatry is evil and how we are all really aliens or some shit.

Happy Holidays!

I have a blog? huh? oh yeah.....

I just moved into my new apartment in Tustin and there is so much to do. I. AM. LOSING. MY. MIND.

Bah!

The Space Between Earning a Living and Not Giving a Shit


Due to popular demand (two people) I will now describe in greater detail the finer points of my sotra-but-not-really-if-you-consider-the-cost-of-living-in-southern-california gainful employment. My official job title is “IRB Assistant, Committee C” (IRB stands for Institutional Review Board). My job is also classified under the broader term “Assistant Administrative Analyst.” The IRB at UC Irvine is charged with reviewing all research conducted by UCI staff, faculty, and students that use human subjects, animal subjects or DNA. I work for the Human Subjects part, called Human Research Protections. There are three committees that deal with human research at UCI: A, B, and C. Each committee is staffed by an Administrator, Coordinator and an Assistant. Committees A and B deal with biomedical studies, in other words, clinical trials of new drugs, experimental medical procedures, etc…anything having to do with medical procedures basically. Committee C, the one I work for, deals with all the social/behavioral studies at UCI, like psychology tests, ethnic studies and the like. In order for a person affiliated with UCI to conduct research involving human subjects they must first apply for IRB approval. I basically help process the applications and get them ready for Committee review. The committee reviews these applications to make sure the human subjects are not being exploited or put into any unnecessary risks. Then the committee will approve the study, and I process the approval. Then end. See, aren’t you sorry you made me do that? I bet you fell asleep while reading it, or didn’t even finish it. Which means you’re not reading this part, so I can say whatever I want. You’re all assholes! I hate you! Bah!

In any case, as long as I got you here, I may as well force my well documented extraordinary musical tastes on you.
Some good albums I recently bought:
“Illinois” by Sufjan Stevens
“Odditorium or Warlords of Mars” by The Dandy Warhols (yeah the title is stupid as all get out, and they think they’re cooler than they are, but some songs are really good.)
“All Maps Welcome” by Tom McRae (yes that tom McRae from the car commercial. Hurrumph.)
“Shout Me, Loud Runner” by Lefty Gainwaller



Happy Link Time!!!
My Office

In other news and let downs:
You may have noticed that right after I said that I changed my subtitle with every post, I stopped changing it. "I ain't hep to that step but I'll dig it" is the title of a song by Fred Astaire. I think it says a lot without saying a lot, you hep? So I think I'll keep it up for a while.

Why I Can't Have Nice Things

So I just saw a commercial on TV with the Tom McRae song "A Day Like Today." Granted it was a really well done commercial for some car (the tag line was "beauty has its dark side"-fitting if you know Tom McRae’s music.) But of all the artists I like, Tom McRae was the last person I expected to sell his music to be in commercial. Perhaps he had no choice; his record label made him do it. But I doubt it. And I really like that song. Not that I won't now. But I have a reputation to maintain people! Oh who am I kidding, no I don't.

I just realized that I never posted anything about my new job on here. Well that just shows you how important it is to me, that is to say, not very. For the record, after temping at the same office at UCI for six months, the offered me a permanent career position as an assistant to the Institutional Review Board, Committee C. Sounds kinda weird, like I’m getting coffee and answering phones for ten people, but it’s not like that kind of assistant. I’d go into more detail but I doubt anyone’s interested, so moving on.

Ummm…ok, I guess I’m not moving on. Oh well. See y’all later. Or as they say in Topeka, “laterz”

Butternut Squash Soup.


Hello, my name is Debby, and today I’ll be teaching you all how to make Butternut Squash Soup. This soup is a wonderful dish for the transition from summer to fall, and can be served anytime from late august to early October. If you decide to serve this soup in November however, you may experience the scorn and ridicule of your lady friends as they realize you’re nothing but a poser and fake trying in vain to keep up the appearance that you have a happy life with no marital problems whatsoever. None! Whatsoever! Plus the fact that you’re serving the soup a month late. (Bigger faux pas than wearing white shoes after Labor Day!) Step one: buy butternut squash soup from Trader Joe’s. Step two: Heat soup and serve. Try and resist the temptation to add various cleaning products to the soup, for as they might provide immediate relief to the constant whining, belching, farting, scratching, non-money earning, gambling, and drinking activities of your good for nothing husband, in the long run it could lead to prison and the unwanted affections of a large woman named “Wedge.” While the soup is heating, you might try and get some needle point done, or, if it is needed, some light dusting. Personally, I prefer to hunt. Currently there is a large family of bunnies living in one of my hedges. I have been able to kill quite a few of the bunny siblings, however the mother and father bunny are much harder to catch. I spotted the mother one, scurrying across my lawn with some greens clutched in her mouth, no doubt for her hungry babies at home. I quickly reached for my gun (I always keep it loaded and ready right next to the microwave), and I was able to squeeze off a few shots, but unfortunately the bunny was too quick and got away. To make matters worse, one of my bullets somehow found its way into the skull of my next door neighbor. The police were very nice and understanding, although I did have to tell a tiny lie, and also leave out the part about how my neighbor and I had been feuding for some time now over his daughter’s strangely close relationship to my husband. His daughter also happened to be outside at the time, but somehow escaped unharmed. Well done dear! I suppose that is all for now, I trust you’ll find your own special way to make Butternut Squash Soup a staple with your family for years to come, and so I wish you good luck and happy hunting!