In my creative writing class, we’ve moved onto poetry and today the class critiqued my first poem. It was “Mechanical Fruit” to refresh your memory, here it is:

MECHANICAL FRUIT

What a sight it was
to see an orange with metal legs
run all around.
It ran up the walls
and onto the ceiling.
It scurried across the floor with incredible speed.
You said you invented it
to keep you company,
although I don’t know how well that will work,
because it’s just an orange.

So now, because I can and because my ego demands it, I thought I’d share what some people said about my poem. (I am not kidding, these are the actual things people wrote down and gave to me as part of the critique process)
1. I’m not sure what this poem is talking about…
2. This poem fucking rocks.
3. Is this a metaphor? I just didn’t get it.
4. It made me smile but it also has a lot of meaning and power to it. Brilliant!
5. Awesome!
6. I very much get the sense of someone alone in a dark room.
7. I like the set up, and the use of the orange to show the futile need of the inventor.
8. Interesting concept, but it feels too dry and straightforward to be poetry. I would use more metaphor. Good luck.
9. It’s fascinating
10. (this is what my teacher wrote): You have a talent for transposing real events and feelings into surreal terms – then pulling them away to reveal “just an orange,” and the real issue of what will keep this person company. It’s a strange and surprising trick – keep doing it.