TRY NOT TO GET WORRIED, TRY NOT TO TURN ON TO PROBLEMS THAT UPSET YOU, OOOOO………..



Writing utensils simply disappear when I’m around. They jump into any hidden crevasse, any dark corner, or any opportunistically placed stacks of paper, absolutely determined not to be used. “I will not be drained and discarded!!!” they shout, while scrambling to the nearest hidey-hole. I suppose they do have cause for fear, for I am inclined to chew on the unused end of the cap while using a pen. But it’s still annoying. If the pencils and pens do not fall in line soon, I shall be forced to impose stricter rules regarding their anthromorphic activities. In other news, I have been busy at work scanning master protocols into the database. (Master protocols are basically descriptions of the study to be performed) one of the more interesting protocols to cross my desk was one entitled “A mulit-center, randomized, double blind, sham controlled trial investigating sub mucosal delivery of radiofrequency energy to the anal canal.” And right beneath this title were three square, small drawings of an anus into one of which had been inserted what can only be described as “Mr. Good Time Johnson” or perhaps “Good Times Jones and the Vibrations” or maybe “The Big Anus Penetrator.” (that last one may be a bit vulgar and crass but it gets the point across to anyone dumb enough not to understand the pervious two). I can only imagine that this instrument is the vehicle that they plan to use to deliver the “radiofrequency energy.” I wonder about the side effects to such a procedure. I would hate to have Star 98.7 or even 89.9 to emit from my ass at the most inopportune time (a society luncheon or while having tea with the duchess of Canterbury). Could one pass it off as indigestion? I think not (although there is a certain pleasure and logic in imagining hearing Britney Spears or any of today’s pop coming out of someone’s rear). In any case, I fear for the participants.
Well I’m afraid that’s all for now, I hope you didn’t read this while eating, or while in the bathroom. Everything else is going fine, same as always.

SLEEP AND I SHALL SOOTHE YOU, CALM YOU AND ANOINT YOU, MYRHH FOR YOUR HOT FORHEAD, OOOOO……….