Fromage!

I finally updated my webshots album. I put up some photos of Christine when she came to visit me in Arcata as well as some of the Redwood National Park. I might put up some pics from my going away party, but I'm not sure-seeing as most of them consist of me looking like an ass with beer all over my clothes (i had an accident or two...) anywhatsitz, check out my photo album by clicking on the "pictures" link on the right.


Here's just a small taste:


Christine at Trinidad beach

Living Dead


It was announced today (via email of course) that the husband of a woman who works in my office died the other day. Now I don’t know this woman or her husband (our office is in two different locations on campus) and I know it’s tragic and such, but as I was reading the obituary I couldn’t help but think “this is a terribly written obituary” it was all I could think about. I mean, the thing was horrible! It had sentences like “He was such a great provider.” That’s it. End of sentence, on to another topic. There was a bunch of “He was such a….” sentences. It was obviously written by 6th grade AP English student. If youre gonna go through the trouble of printing an obituary in the paper (which seems kinda weird to me cause everyone who cares about that person has their own memories and feelings about the deceased but whatever) you should at least write something of quality. (blogs don’t count-no angry letters). Also, I don’t like the fact that obituaries gloss over the bad parts in a persons life, because more often than not those difficult times had more of an influence on how that person turned out than anything else. But I digress….

The digression:

So heres my obituary, written by me. Feel free to use it as a model for when I “move on,” “pass,” or “bite the big one”

Anthony G. Saldana was great man. And also kind of an ass sometimes. He owned an imaginary sanatorium in Texas, which he ran to the best of his ability. (he was also a little looney.) When he was young, he did a lot of stupid shit, but got away with most of it, ‘cause cops are idiots and really more open to bribery than you think. During his teenage years he lived at an artist commune and spent his time creating great works of art about the immigrant experience in America. When he was 21, Anthony invented the hydro-copter, a helicopter that worked underwater. Since there was really no demand for an underwater helicopter, the plans for a large manufacturing plant in Bakersfield never really took off, and Anthony was left impoverished and alone. At the age of 32, he adopted 16 Nicaraguan babies but they were taken away from him soon after and he was arrested for abuse of the welfare system. After his release from jail he had a hard time, never really adjusting to “life on the outside.” His life was tragically cut short during a trip to New Jersey where he was devoured by a large robot shark. He is survived by practically everyone he knew ‘cause no one else was stupid enough to taunt an angry robot shark. Funeral services will be held on the large empty plot of land where his “sanatorium” is located.


See, that’s what I want. The good stuff, the bad stuff, and full of lies. Malicious, hurtful lies.

Rest- in-peace out!

God Coughed and Called It Billy


Okay. It's gotten to the point to where I either need to shit or get off the pot, and well, I've decided to shit. I'll shit at least once a week. Even if its just a little shit, or kinda runny and sad. It might be a big meaty shit with bits of corn too, you never know.

In case you haven't figured it out by now I'm talking about my blog, and how often I update it.

Speaking of corn; I miss corn. Now that I'm doing the low carb thing, I can't have yummy things like corn and lolipops anymore (and you know me and lolipops-I'm like some deranged club kid with those things) I can't even tell if I've lost weight, seeing as I don't have a scale anywhere in the house. My pants are a little loser, so I guess that's something. I grasping at burning hay here people.

I imagine that somewhere in the world there's a man named Billy wandering the streets. He's kinda smelly, and has a scraggly face with a smile that has forty some odd years of sitting on the porch on Sundays sipping mint juleps discussing "the negro problem" behind it. You know, just damn creepy. Anyway, I'm guessing that a man like that would feel kinda like god's cough.


I've decided that barring some crazy miracle, I'm probably going to move back up to Arcata In late July or August. It can't be any worse than here, that's for sure.

that's all for now. Stay tunes, same sanatorium channel, same sanatorium time. Well, don't worry about that so much cause I control all the TV's in the place anyway and it's not like you can change the channel cause you're wearing a straightjacket. ha

TRY NOT TO GET WORRIED, TRY NOT TO TURN ON TO PROBLEMS THAT UPSET YOU, OOOOO………..



Writing utensils simply disappear when I’m around. They jump into any hidden crevasse, any dark corner, or any opportunistically placed stacks of paper, absolutely determined not to be used. “I will not be drained and discarded!!!” they shout, while scrambling to the nearest hidey-hole. I suppose they do have cause for fear, for I am inclined to chew on the unused end of the cap while using a pen. But it’s still annoying. If the pencils and pens do not fall in line soon, I shall be forced to impose stricter rules regarding their anthromorphic activities. In other news, I have been busy at work scanning master protocols into the database. (Master protocols are basically descriptions of the study to be performed) one of the more interesting protocols to cross my desk was one entitled “A mulit-center, randomized, double blind, sham controlled trial investigating sub mucosal delivery of radiofrequency energy to the anal canal.” And right beneath this title were three square, small drawings of an anus into one of which had been inserted what can only be described as “Mr. Good Time Johnson” or perhaps “Good Times Jones and the Vibrations” or maybe “The Big Anus Penetrator.” (that last one may be a bit vulgar and crass but it gets the point across to anyone dumb enough not to understand the pervious two). I can only imagine that this instrument is the vehicle that they plan to use to deliver the “radiofrequency energy.” I wonder about the side effects to such a procedure. I would hate to have Star 98.7 or even 89.9 to emit from my ass at the most inopportune time (a society luncheon or while having tea with the duchess of Canterbury). Could one pass it off as indigestion? I think not (although there is a certain pleasure and logic in imagining hearing Britney Spears or any of today’s pop coming out of someone’s rear). In any case, I fear for the participants.
Well I’m afraid that’s all for now, I hope you didn’t read this while eating, or while in the bathroom. Everything else is going fine, same as always.

SLEEP AND I SHALL SOOTHE YOU, CALM YOU AND ANOINT YOU, MYRHH FOR YOUR HOT FORHEAD, OOOOO……….

Work, Work, Work, Grendel, Grendel, Grendel. Thats me these days. "being Grendel in the basement" (TM: sean). Not doing great, not doing bad, gettin' by, wish i could fly, etc....
nothing much new otherwise. I need to get more sleep though, been having a hard time waking up in the morning and ive decided that it's because i dont go to bed till 12. (i'm smart!) and by the way, have any of you read rosie o'donnell's blog? its kinda cryptic and creepy. she writes in what is supposed to be stream of conciousness prose (im guessing) but it reads like the last words of a dying developmentaly disabled child. if that makes any sense. i would link to it, but i already did a link in this post and im too damn lazy. you'll just have to google it yourself. ungrateful bitches!!!.

j/k

p.s. i don't like the cut of your jibb

--TAGSMS

I "heart" Tilda Swinton

APRIL 26, 2005

Blinking Lights and other Revelations

i havent updated in a while, but really, what new things is there to say? School and work goes on everyday, my room gets messy and then i clean it, then it gets messy again, and then i clean it, etc... I'll be in southern california again soon. Thats all for now.

You're Libya!

It seems that these days, you just say things to get attention.
Shock value is the really important thing for you now. You used to have
a cause, and this made you seem like a threat to the established order, but now you
just want to say wacky stuff once in a while. Air travel doesn't really mesh
with your lifestyle, and you'd probably scare the security guards somehow
anyway.
Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Voting is yummy