Woman In a Resturant

They're staring, they're judging. They shouldn't. They don't know about me, they don't know what I've had to put up with. I can feel their eyes on me, scanning me up and down, searching for a weakness to exploit. They wont find it though, no. I've learned to hide myself, hide my shortcomings. That's perhaps the one good thing he taught me, how to hide, how to cover up defects. If a weakness would show, I knew he would go after it, sooner or later. So I hide them, bury them, until only I know where they are. These people won't find them, they can't. They can sit at their tables, enjoy their food, use their fancy silver knives and forks, but they can't reach me. They can't get to me. Not even the waitress, who asks me what I want to drink. She'd like to ask me more questions I'm sure, she'd like to dig in and find where I'm hiding myself, but I wont let her. I could duck under the round table, I could climb into the wood rafters on the ceiling. There are many places I could go to escape her and her questions. I could go to the rest room, I remember them from the last time I was here. I remember they were nice. Stainless steel fauces, bright shiny blue tile floors. The spotless clean walls. I remember it was soothing, being in there. It was a nice break, and I didn't want to go back out and sit with him, and eat with him, and talk with him. I think we were sitting at the table by the window, where that old couple is sitting now. Yes, I remember it because I remember the view. Such large windows, floor to ceiling. I could get lost staring out of them. But now that inquisitive waitress is back, and now she wants to know what I want to eat. I can pick anything I want from the menu, my choosing. Such a new thing to me. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. I see the advantages to eating alone. I should tell her something fast so she'll go away. I'll have the Linguini with clams. Clams. They're supposed to be an aphrodisiac. That makes me laugh. Perhaps that's why he wouldn't let me eat them. Well, I can eat them now.