Random Quote


"Each night the hunchback came down the stairs with the air of one who has a grand opinion of himself. He always smelled slightly of turnip greens, as Miss Amelia rubbed him night and morning with pot liquor to give him strength."

---from "The Ballad of the Sad Cafe" by Carson McCullers

(fun with Google image search)



Are you bored with mindless summer activities? Do you long for excitement and adventure? Are you taller that 5’0” and have lots of extra cash?

Then come to Count Funkula’s Amusement Cottage and Foodstuffs Emporium!!!!
















Come to a lush garden setting and revel in the hundreds of thrills!*















Come ride our brand new power packed roller coaster “Agent 6 and the Banshees”
Guaranteed to make you scream!














Experience dreadful chills and terrible frights in our newly renovated “Haunted House: The Ride”















And of course there’s always our classics:

Duke of Funkington Roller Rink










Slippery Jane Log Ride












and Jolly Time Boat Trip (sponsored by Orville Redenbacher)








Of course we have fully equipped bathroom facilities for all your cleansing needs













And don’t forget about or moderately sized foodstuffs emporium!!













We have a great bulk foods section as well!. Buy your tampons in bulk and save!

So Come on down and spend your idle hours with us! We promise, we won't swindle you. too much.

All images copyrighted by Count Funkula 2000, all rights reserved
All persons admitted must be in good health and must sign waiver before entering. No one under 5’ tall allowed in. No pets, plants, outside food or dink, females, or children admitted.
*actual thrill count is 47

Falling Down and other redundant quips.

What to do, what to do? Should I take the job being offered to me at my current place of employment, or take my chances up north somewhere? I could take the job down here, it would look great on a resume and really give me the experience needed to get a good job somewhere else…but…I don’t really have any friends down here at the moment which kind of leaves me bored at home every weekend. Up north I have no job waiting for me, or any place to live for an extended period of time. There are, however, friends, which would make my weekends more interesting and therefore the rest of my week. Anyway, that’s about all that’s going on right about now. Well, there was this one thing about TAGSMS, but it’s kind of stupid. It seems a disgruntled nurse deliberately switched the medication to several patients, making the depressed even more down and the manics even more manic. This caused no small amount of irritation to the guards, doctors and staff at the sanatorium, because they had to deal with the aftermath. (The nurse took the next flight to Florida where authorities and a private group of sanatorium employees are tracking her down) To make a long story short, it was ten hours before things were returned to normal, although it seems that one of the affected inmates got down to the basement where 4782 is being held and it is not yet clear what, if anything, occurred. Everyone is back in their rooms and on their regular meds, which is great news to me and the board of directors. No one really knows why the nurse went all sabotage-y on the place, but I don’t really see how it matters anyway. You know what else? trying to write something with talking eyelashes, floating offices, and crumbling churches is really hard. who woulda thought?

ok, maybe there weren't any other redundant quips. but there is a comma crazy sentence!

Me. A Jello Shot. Halloween.

As you can clearly see, my parties are so crazy, people have trouble maintianing their dignity and composure

EELS with STRINGS

If you've never seen my favorite band EELS in action, nows your chance! they'll be on David Letterman thursday night.

What you know won’t affect what you know

Last night I witnessed my fist hate crime. That’s right, a hate crime right here in Cleveland! That starts with C and that rhymes with pee which is a gross sexual fetish that I don’t want to get into right now. So anyway, it amazed me that while hate crimes continue to occur through out the United States and the world, politicians endlessly promote legislation that I know they know causes more hate crimes. For instance, the marriage protection act, or whatever it’s called, is just bigotry tied up in fear and presented with a scratch and sniff sticker on it. The scratch and sniff sticker? It smells like roses. It has to, to cover up the rotting sink of hate underneath. This amendment only provides more fodder for the evil people all across the country; now they have something new to be mad about. I really don’t know what exactly needs protecting anyway. Half of all marriages end in divorce, and a lot of people don’t even get married anymore. While they weren’t looking, the traditional family packed up and moved to Finland. (or wherever-its not like I have gps tracking ability) This whole country sometimes seems to feed on hate. Like we need to feel gross and degraded in order to feel anything at all (oh wait….I think I’m beginning to understand the whole pee thing. Still gross though.)
Siiighhh. Sorry. It’s hard for me to talk about today’s political climate without going totally bitchcakes. In short, republicans = evil, cognitive dissonance causing freakazoids.
And really that’s all anyone needs to know.

Liberally yours,
Anthony g. s.


Oh, and I don’t really live in Cleveland, or witnessed a hate crime. But you already knew that.

You're The Sound and the Fury!

by William Faulkner

Strong-willed but deeply confused, you are trying to come to grips
with a major crisis in your life. You can see many different perspectives on the issue,
but you're mostly overwhelmed with despair at what you've lost. People often have a hard
time understanding you, but they have some vague sense that you must be brilliant
anyway. Ultimately, you signify nothing.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Chaka Khan and Other Non-Edible Celebrities


I've mentioned this to a few other people, but I wonder if chaka khan ever wonders if her name, when said repeatedly, elicits laughter from many people. (really...my chaka khan bit kills in Toronto and up and down the east coast.) But I guess celebrities, or in Chaka's case not-really-celebrities, have better things to do then wonder how many in-jokes they are a part of. And speaking of not-really-celebrities (or NRC as I call them), am I the only one who thinks Crispin Glover is Danerously underrated? I mean dangerously. I get the feeling that if that poor man doesn't get a good part soon; someone's gonna pay and it will probably involve all kinds of evicerated animals. Again, speaking of celebrities, as I still am, the whole TomKat thing is getting out of hand. Tom Cruise is already creepy-what with all his shortness, scientoloculty, and uneasy homosexual vibes- but now there is this added factor of his crazy obsession with pure, virginal, cloistered Katie Holmes. Katie, best know as the 25 year old teenager from Dawson's Creek, says she's in love too, only sans the couch jumping and fist pumping (it seems that her diet doesn't completely consist of crazy crackers). In any case, I think if they don't "simmadawnnow" the public will turn against then and they will head to NRC-ville on a bullet train made by underpaid and overworked Americans. And we all know where that can lead.

Well, I'm sorry for lowering the lever of this blog by talking about common celebrities, but I do feel better now...ahhhhhh.....
I leave you with some advice: Beware the traveler that wakes the sleeping whore.

Fromage!

I finally updated my webshots album. I put up some photos of Christine when she came to visit me in Arcata as well as some of the Redwood National Park. I might put up some pics from my going away party, but I'm not sure-seeing as most of them consist of me looking like an ass with beer all over my clothes (i had an accident or two...) anywhatsitz, check out my photo album by clicking on the "pictures" link on the right.


Here's just a small taste:


Christine at Trinidad beach